Pictured above is my great and good friend Hilton Ruggles. Good luck man. You deserve it. Looking good, pal. Nice hat. Where’d you get it?
Funny, Freaking Friday
Another week of JuicyLessons has come to an end and i honour of a relatively successful six days of JuicyLessons, let’s celebrate with a few funnies.
A special thanks to an old student and friend Mark Altman for the material for today’s JuicyLesson. If you want to get him for any of the following please get in touch and I will gladly provide his coordinates.
A Detroit man has gone to some very strange lengths to get back at his ex-wife.
Alan Markovitz, 59, a well-known strip club owner in Detroit and soon-to-be reality television star on Cinemax, is still rather upset his wife apparently had an affair with someone he knew two years ago.
So he decided to buy the house right next to the couple, and put up a giant middle finger statue aimed in their direction. Spotlights on the 12-foot-high bronze statue make sure it can be viewed at all hours, according to Deadline Detroit.
“I’m so over her,” Markovitz told Deadline. “This is about him. This is about him not being a man.”
The statue cost roughly $7,000 and is installed in the back garden, according to UK Metro.
Lenka Tuohy, believed to be the daughter of Markovitz’s ex-wife, tweeted a photo of the statue from the window and wrote, “How psychotic do you have to be to buy the house directly next to your ex wife and then put a statue up like that?!?! Real classy Alan!”
Markovitz owns three strip clubs in the Detroit area. He claims the house was shown to him by coincidence by a realtor, but after he saw it, “karma” took over, Deadline reports.
Next…
Justin Trudeau walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, “Good morning, Ma’am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”
Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?”
Trudeau: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada!!!!”
Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the CDIC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”
Trudeau: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
Cashier: “I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Trudeau: “Mon Dieu. I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque.”
Cashier: “Look Mr. Trudeau, here is an example of what we can do.
One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot, we cashed his cheque.
So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?”
Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank…there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Trudeau?”
A short ditty…all in fun
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
The Bridge
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ‘because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’
The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can
ride over anytime I want.’
God replied, ‘Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.’
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, ‘God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
And finally …
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”
God replied: “Shit! I didn’t recognize you”
Have a great weekend, lovely readers o’ mine.
Lots of peace and love coming your way.