Lesson #57: Heroes and Nothings


Every Monday, sports columnist Jack Todd writes an article in the a Gazette; he always ends these columns with a section which he calls Heroes and Zeroes. With input from my friend and book editor John Fasciano, I have adapted the title a little. So without further ado, here are my Heroes and Nothings.


Pauline Marois, Jean-Francois Lisee, Bernard Drainville and the PQ minority government for their lamentable distraction “the chartre des valeurs” and their attempts to pull the wool over our eyes by telling us that their fucking charter will be a positive step on the road to us all living together more harmoniously in Quebec; Rob Ford who is still the Toronto mayor when he should be in rehab, Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, Patrick Brazeau, and the Senate which has claimed a million dollars less this year than they did last in the context of the Senate scandal and the on-going investigation into its expense claims; Justin Trudeau all style and zero substance unlike his father who had both, Sean Whyte whose two missed field goals played an important part in the ending of the Als’ season as well as Bo Bowling who fumbled after a big gain, dropped a pass when he was wide open and batted a passed ball up causing an interception in the playoff game loss to Hamilton last Sunday, coach Jim Popp who is still not sure whether he will return to coach the team next year rather than stick to general managing – a job he is much better at; Philadelphia goalie Ray Emery who attacked his counterpart Washington goaltender Braden Holtby in a game Philly was losing 7-0 at the time of the brouhaha, the captain of the stricken Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino who apparently actually jumped into a lifeboat before his 4200 passengers and crew could be evacuated and then lied about it spinning an incredible tale saying that he tripped and fell into the above-mentioned lifeboat; Arleen Solomon Rotchin, Dr. Jennifer freaking Payne, the service manager at Gravel Cadillac at the corner of Van Horne and Decarie for rudeness above and beyond the call of duty, PQ candidate in the upcoming Viau riding by-election, Tania Longpre for her Facebook posts of two years ago saying that the word “Jewish” should be removed from the name of the Jewish General Hospital and that circumcisions should not be performed in public hospitals, steroid and liar boy Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee baseball Brewers, and last but not least, Toronto – The Big Onion – and David Desharnais who has done nothing in the aftermath of his signing of an approximately four million dollar a year contract. I actually agree with Denis Cordere, Montreal’s newly-elected mayor, who tweeted that Desharnais should be given a one-way ticket to Hamilton, the Montreal Canadiens farm team in the American Hockey League. Just found out that Daniel Briere, sidelined with concussion symptoms since October 9th, will return to the Canadiens’ line-up tonight (Tuesday) against Tampa Bay and that Desharnais will sit out as a healthy scratch, well-deserved for that freaking loafer who has a great agent. I’ll say that for David who has exactly one point, an assist, in seventeen games this season.


Habs goalie Carey Price, the hobbit in a hole, who is having a great year so far, the Kid Line of Lars Eller, Brendan Gallagher and Alex Galchenyuk which line had eight points in the Habs’ victory over a pathetic New York Islanders team at Centre Bell this past Sunday evening, P.K. Subban, Andrei Markhov, Michael Bourneval, Tania Longpre – yes her again – for saying that Marois should go back to gardening and that her party, the PQ, should be burnt and that it had become a “nest of vipers and a monumental farce” at the same time as she made her above-mentioned remarks regarding the Jewish General Hospital and circumcisions; stand-up comic and CTV weatherman for the day, Sugar Sammy and gorgeous weather woman Lori Graham on whom Sammy made a move on TV this evening (Tuesday); Tampa Bay star Steve Stamkos who, even though clearly trying to hurt Cabbie in a Sportscentre feature just before the start of this hockey season, broke his tibia last night and I know what that’s like, Troy Smith who has just about earned the right to take over as Alouette quarterback, Als QB Anthony Calvillo who is likely to retire and who is still feeling the effects of the hit which ended his season more than two months ago, the Chicago Blackhawks, Mike Babcock coach of the Detroit Red Wings and of Canada’s Olympic hockey team; Barak Obama who is swimming upstream in his battle to get The Affordable Care Act/Obamacare up and running, Medicare in Canada, John Fasciano, lawyer Eric Kirshner, Notary Jean-Francois Pilliere and his lovely wife Suzanne, mortgage broker and hockey ticket supplier Jason Zuckerman, real estate mogul Brian Benedek, lighting expert Danny Shwartzberg electrician, Jonathan Lazare, Kathleen Cawthorne, my partner and great friend LoveLee Moss, Hilton Ruggles, Loren Lann, and last but not least my ex-students Neil Davis, Jonathan Sinclair and David Silverstone – after twenty-one years another steak at Moishe’s emporium, a Montreal landmark.

Please help the Philippines in the aftermath of that horrible typhoon which may have killed as many as ten thousand people including many children.

Peace out.

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