Texan Love Song
by Elton John & Bernie Taupin
I heard from a friend you’ve been messing around
With a cute little thing I’d been dating uptown
Well I don’t know if I like that idea much
Well you’d better stay clear I might start acting rough
You out of town guys sure think you’re real keen
Think all of us boys here are homespun and green
But that’s wrong my friend so get this through your head
We’re tough and we’re Texan with necks good and red
So it’s Ki yi yippie yi yi
You long hairs are sure gonna die
Our American home was clean till you came
And kids still respected the president’s name
And the eagle still flew in the sky
Hearts filled with national pride
Then you came along with your drug-crazy songs
Goddamit you’re all gonna die
How dare you sit there and drink all our beer
Oh it’s made for us workers who sweat spit and swear
The minds of our daughters are poisoned by you
With your communistic politics and them negro blues
Well I’m gonna quit talking and take action now
Run all of you fairies clean out of this town
Oh I’m dog tired of watching you mess up our lives
Spending the summertime naturally high.
© 1972 Dick James Music Ltd.
This is My present for you – the Elton John/Bernie Taupin musical composition ‘Texan Love Song’ from the LP “Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player”. Great tune. Music by Elton, lyrics by Bernie Taupin. Redneck Anthem or a Redneck Anti-Anthem depending how you look at it which itself of course depends on what side of the fence you’re on. Anyway, these Rednecks are jes’ settin ’round being the reactionaries that they are, harkening back fondly to old times when “the eagle still flew in the sky, hearts filled with national pride, and then you came along with your drug-crazy songs …” and “your Communistic politics and them Negro blues … Godammit you’re all gonna die.”
Yeah. Blame it all on us you fucking pig fuckers. “Let’s get them fucking long hairs and rip their heads off. Let’s do an Easy Rider on them assholes.”
I have just finished Hunter S. Thompson’s tome “Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail … 1972” which partly explains the harshness of my attitude along with the dirtiness of language I employ to communicate it. “Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail … 1972” [F and L] is one of a number of books so named, ex. F and L in America, F and L in Las Vegas and F and L at Rolling Stone are all works from a perceptive, intelligent, and wise if not drug-addled mind, and boy, can he ever write! Very expressive and expressively, the way I like it.
This particular book of Thompson’s tells the story of Richard Nixon’s victory against Democrat George McGovern in the 1972 presidential elections and the months leading up to the actual election which proves to be anti-climatic due to the crushing defeat administered by the forces of darkness on poor George, whom Ted Kennedy once said was the most decent man in the Senate or something to that effect. The crux of the story-telling revolves around the months that Hunter spent on the campaign trail with the likes of Edmund Muskie, Hubie (I’ll “hump” the highest bidder) Humphrey and George McGovern, the latter obviously liked and respected by Thompson, certainly the least objectionable of the three.
Too bad Nixon kicked George’s ass around the block and back winning with an unexpected around sixty-five percent of the popular vote. However, What started out as a routine investigation of what looked like a small-time burglary at the D.C. Watergate Hotel (the first of the long and never ending series of “gates” like “pastagate” in Quebec and now, for your enjoyment “bridgegate” in NY/NJ),and finished with the president literally mired in shit, thereby effectively ending his dream and the country’s nightmare of “four more (fucking, god-damned) years”.
I am definitely under the influence of Hunter S. Thompson. Too bad he’s dead and assholes like Ted Cruz, Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson [According to Dusty who wants to know if Robertson is still alive and if so why, Robertson should die. Right away. Now. In Dusty’s immortal words to Robertson … “Die already.”] This is getting bad. A tangent within a sentence. Anyway… Where was I? Oh yea. Why do assholes like Cruz and his ilk – the anti-Mandela, anti-Gandhi faction if you like – still live and breathe while those who are a lot more worthy do not?
Attitude and vacabulary: by Hunter S. Thompson. I’m entitled.
Now for part two of this JuicyLesson which is an email from a good friend of mine and next door neighbour for twenty-five years, Tibor (Chuck) Kelemen. Thanks, man.
So tell me, please, why did the chicken cross the road?
Some “celebrated” answers. Right here. Right now. (Good advice to give yourself or to extend to others when you and/or they are bad tripping on psychedelics.)
STEPHEN HARPER: Let me be perfectly clear. I did not know about the chicken, I did not know about the road. If I would have been made aware of them I would certainly have taken appropriate action and prevented the chicken from crossing the road. The culprits responsible for the chicken crossing the road are being investigated by the RCMP.
THOMAS MULCAIR: If the Prime Minister didn’t know about the chicken and he didn’t know about the road, how did he know that the chicken had any intention of crossing the road?
JUSTIN TRUDEAU: The chicken crossed the road because the other side had legalized marijuana.
ROB FORD: That video of me snorting that chicken does not exist and I’ve only crossed that road in a drunken stupor.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be clear, the chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change! Real change! Change he could believe in!
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was Secretary of State, I travelled that road thousands of times and I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road each time. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Not too bad, eh? I usually don’t really appreciate stuff like this and wouldn’t want to bore you by publishing it. But this is different.
Errata: I can’t believe that I omitted these four names from the ZEROES section of yesterday’s (Monday’s) JL: Mike Duffy, Patrick Brazeau, Mac Harb and Pamela Wallen. Forgive me. Please. How could I have been so absent-minded?
I also inadvertently left a regular contributor to my posts, Mr. Jason Bowen, an ex-student still seeking knowledge and a true gentleman, off my HEROES section yesterday. Definitely not chopped liver. Once again, how could I have been so absent-minded?
Thanks for hanging in.