Today I am just joking around, relieving stress.
Happy December everyone
I spent today (Saturday) working on my autobiography, pretty hectic especially considering the fact that I spent almost an hour trying – successfully in the end – to recover a two thousand word chapter, or part of one, that I thought I’d lost due to a careless mistake I made while attempting to save another document under the name of the first one. Anyway as they say all’s well that ends well as I remembered that I had previously mailed the supposedly lost document to myself which I sometimes do and now I know one excellent reason for so doing. I went into my email, found the document, copied and pasted it in Word and then, voila, I saved it. No damage done except that I am pretty exhausted right now.
Now for a couple of jokes for our entertainment and relaxation.
A guy goes to his doctor and tells him that he is having trouble getting it up when it comes to love-making with his wife. After examining him the doctor tells his concerned patient that he has nothing to worry about.
“It’s a circulatory problem,” the doctor opines. “Nothing that a little exercise can’t cure. I want you to jog five kilometres a day and I’ll check in with you in five days.
Five days later, the doctor phones his patient and asks how his jogging routine is going. “Have things improved with your wife?”, he asks.
“How should I know,” replied his patient. “I’m twenty-five kilometres from home.”
A rabbi decides to go play golf on Yom Kippur, a high holy and fast day on the Jewish calendar. He is in the midst of what is turning into the best game of his life when an angel asks G-d what is going on. How come, the angel wants to know, is G-d allowing this supposedly observant Jew to play so well when he should be in the synagogue praying and atoning for his sins on this, one of the highest Jewish holy days of the year.
“Don’t worry about it,”, God replies, “who’s he gonna tell?”
Did you hear the one about the termite who walks into a drinking establishment and says “Excuse me. Where’s the bartender?”
… Or where’s the bar tender?
Other jokes of the past week include…Stephen Harper, Mike Duffy, Patrick Brazeau, and Pamela Wallin – Senators in name (and benefits only although why these fraudsters have not yet been charged, why they weren’t fired outright as well as why they have been allowed to keep their benefits) Senator Clifford-Olsen for her attitude, Rob Ford, the Leafs who have begun to find their level, Dion Phaneuf, the New York Giants, Michel Therrien for not dressing George Parros who would most likely have given Buffalo’s 6’8″, 260 pound goon John Scott a better run for his money than Douglas Murray did, Pauline Marois, Jean-Francois Lysee, and the extremely sickening Bernard Drainville and their divisive “Charter Affirming The Values Of Secularism And The Religious Neutrality Of The State, As Well As The Equality Of Men And Women, And The Framing Of Accommodation Requests”, as well as the government’s about-face on the deficit question, and last but not least one of the biggest jokes of all – Republican Senator Ted Cruze from Texas who makes me want to vomit before he even says a word…just the sight of him makes me sick.
And now for a final kick at the joke can… Morris dies and in line with his dying wish, his much younger and hot wife has him cremated and keeps the ashes in an urn on the mantle.
One day a few weeks after his death, his wife takes a handful of ashes out of the urn and speaks to it saying,
“Morris, thanks for the money. Thanks for the house and thanks for the cars. And as for that blow job you always wanted…whoosh!!”
Why did the fish cross the road? For the halibut.
What is 5q plus 5q? You’re welcome.
What is 2q plus 2q? Fuck you, too.
Wanna hear two quickies? Wanna hear another two?
A tourist in Hawaii goes up to the desk clerk at a hotel and asks whether the correct pronunciation is Hawaii or Havayii and he is told that it’s the latter. “Thank-you,” says the tourist. “You’re velcome,” says the desk clerk.
Tomorrow we get serious.