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JuicyLesson 300 : What Could be More Appropriate For My 300th “Juicy” Than 15 Signs You Were Born and Raised in Montreal …

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15 Signs You Were Born & Raised In Montreal

Montreal is in your blood and you know it. This is for us, Montrealers. For those of you who ran away, mostly to TBO (The Big Onion, the so-called Queen City), eat your freaking hearts out. Toronto the good … Montreal, not so much.

Thanks to my friend Theresa Allen.

It’s hard to deny that Montreal is one of the best (if not the best) cities in the world. Thousands of tourists visit every year, with many of them even staying long-term. We have the most unique culture in Canada, we are host to some of the best festivals and events in on the planet, and we are never afraid to stand up for what we believe in. While many call Montreal their home, those born and raised here know certain things to be true more than anyone else.

1. You bleed Bleu, Blanc & Rouge.

Hockey may be Canada’s game, but any Montrealer knows it’s more than that. It’s a religion. For as long as you can remember, you proudly displayed the CH every chance you got, and as far as you’re concerned, the Montreal Canadiens are the only Canadian team. Habs players are deities, and you, their faithful followers.

2. You are instinctively aware of Montreal’s superiority over the rest of Canada.

Canada will always be the True, North, Strong & Free, but a true Montrealer such as yourself knows that Montreal is really the capital, for all intents and purposes. Hating on cities like Toronto is nothing personal; it’s simply a way of life. Sure Montreal has its problems, but there’s nowhere you’d rather live.

3. You can swear proficiently in two languages.

The language debate in this city is firmly established, but that doesn’t faze you. You grew up learning more than one language , and as a result have no problem switching between French and English to fit the situation. In fact, your bilingualism is a point of pride, especially when it comes to cursing out someone in both official languages.

4. You are passionate about cheese curds.

Any so-called Montrealer loves their poutine, but you know it’s all about the cheese curds. The hybrid wannabes out there, with their fancy Gruyeres and brie cheeses, just don’t cut it. You are pure-laine, and there is only one kind of fromage you put on your sauce frites: home-grown, squeeky-clean cheese curds. In fact, you don’t even need the fries and gravy.

5. You blatantly jaywalk as much as possible.

You can always spot a tourist in Montreal by the fact that they patiently wait for the green-light at a crosswalk, even when there isn’t a single car on the road. You understand that traffic lights are more of a guideline if anything, and you just love strolling across a busy intersection without a care in the world.

6. You generally run late to just about everything.

While we could blame congested roads, late buses, and acts of god for our often tardy arrivals, the fact is Montrealers apply the ‘fashionably late’ rule to just about everything we do. Arriving on time is so 2001.

7. You say terasse, not terrace.

It doesn’t matter where your parents are from, if you were born and raised in Montreal, you call it a terasse, not terrace, because you know the word implies more than just an outside seating area. The return of terasses in the city is the definitive sign winter is finally over, which is pretty much on par with the second coming.

8. You have a freaky internal clock regarding dep closing times for beer and smokes.

We are especially privileged in Montreal to have convenient corner stores, otherwise known as deps, that sell a variety of alcoholic beverages pretty much all day long. What’s even more impressive is a Montrealer’s innate ability to make it before the 11pm cut-off without even looking at a clock.

9. You love festivals, but are so over them.

Sure, we’re proud to be called Festival City, and love hitting up the Jazz Fest and Just For Laughs just as much as the next guy, however, a true home-grown Montrealer is over all the hype. There’s no question that our great selection of international festivals is unparalleled, but we’ll pass on the hordes of annoying tourists and other inconveniences we’re forced to deal with as a result.

10. You pre-drink before hitting up the bar/club.

I’ve heard many a foreigner say that they don’t understand why Montrealers drink before going out to drink. Born and raised in Montreal, you know that this is a time-honoured tradition, which not only saves you plenty of green, but also is the best way to get the party started.

11. You blow weed in public.

So Montreal hasn’t quite achieved legalized status yet, but you’ve never let that stop you. You’ve been puffing in parks, parking lots, even street corners since before you can remember. It’s become so second-nature that the fact that you can actually get arrested in other cities for this harmless activity boggles your mind.

12. You are (used to be) a radical student, or have (had) at least one in your circle of friends.

Montreal has got a serious reputation for being one of the best post-secondary cities in North America. What this translates to is alot of students in one place and high level of apprehension toward conventional systems. As a Montreal pure-blood, you are part of the rebellion, or at least one of your best friends is.

13. You are obsessed with the Montreal skyline.

Not only can every Montrealer automatically recognize the city’s beautiful skyline from a mile away, we constantly find ourselves admiring it from every possible angle, not matter how many times we’ve seen it. And can you really blame us? I mean look at it! Gorgeous.

14. You constantly talk about weather and/or potholes.

Nothing brings Montrealers together like discussing the current weather and the state of our crappy roads. These topics unite us. Not surprising when you think that Montreal really only has two seasons: Winter and Construction.

15. You love all things food.

Montrealers are straight-up food perverts when it comes to anything gustatory. With the highest number of restaurants per capita in Canada, we know our food, and we’re not afraid to show it.

Bonus* for you west-islanders. You know night-bus routes like the back of your hand.

Not everyone lives in the downtown core, but that doesn’t mean you are any less Montreal. In fact, you are maybe as Montreal as it gets as you have figured out every possible way in and out of the city at any given time of the day, and often, inebriated.

Peace.

2 Comments

  • Radio says:

    Yes!!!!! So freaking true tabarnac!! Laughed out loud while reading and woke up my sleeping baby!
    It was worth it!

    • Jerry Cohen says:

      Bgal radio: Your comment made me laugh out loud. Hosti de Christ. Not good news about awakening your sleeping baby. But I won’t worry about that and thus don’t require you to tell me that. Laugh out loud.

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