JuicyLesson #90: Taking stock

Taking stock…

I never really believed in making resolutions but on reflection I discovered that rarely if ever have I taken stock of where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m going. Yes I have asked myself while waiting for sleep to subsume me at night what kind of a day I have had. But as far as a general stock-taking is concerned I don’t remember ever doing a general inventory. I do remember something about the inventory process related to my nine month stint in AA but that was years ago and my memory about what it entailed has gone lacking.

So here goes. In no particular order is Jerry-man’s taking of stock:

Since getting out of hospital in the summer of 2012 after my battle with severe pneumonia, things have been very good. My health has been holding up, my relationships with friends have been most positive, my writing (both of my blog and book) is going well although I wish I could find more time to work on the book. The way I see it, the close to 90,000 words I have so far written represents 70% of my objective of approximately 150,000 words. It is cool when I can do what I call “doubling up” which is when a blog I have written can be repeated in my book. For example my blogs on my trips to the East as well as those related to school and teaching in addition to those I have done on scleroderma, medical marijuana, and me can be used verbatim in my book. *

*I have to be careful about “doubling up” though, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my blog followers might not appreciate too much duplication of website material in my autobiography. It’s okay to repeat some things but not too many or too often. Secondly, I don’t get off on taking the easy way out. To quote an old cliche (which itself is a cliche) anything worth doing is worth doing well.

I am pleased with the higher confidence level I have been developing in my writing. I am my own boss and I am starting to view myself as a writer in addition to the teacher that I have always been. I just decide what I want say and it seems to end up on paper in addition to being not badly written if I do say so myself. Without the words actually appearing in my mind, they seem to end up on the paper and it’s the confidence that that’s gonna happen which makes my writing so enjoyable.

Sometimes in writing a JuicyLesson the evening before, I put it aside without an edit or even a brief re-read and I’m still somewhat amazed at how well I have written down what I want to say in reviewing my entry the next morning before posting it. At first, I was very surprised at how well things turned out, but now not so much. Experience and practice appear to make perfect, at least in my case.

I really love Lee, my girlfriend of the last twenty-seven years and counting. She is definitely the love of my life; she takes excellent care of me and that’s difficult to do considering how demanding a person I have become. Everything from keeping watch on my medication including changing my fentanyl patches every three days to cooking and loving me back are all covered by LoveLee. I have no doubt that I would have passed away a while ago if it wasn’t for her caring nature and her obvious love for and friendship with me.

I have been lucky to renew a friendship with a good friend relatively recently but have failed in that regard in at least one instance. I have also had a spot of bother with a couple of ex-students who have turned into complete assholes as they have gotten older. Sad but what can I do? I don’t feel like re-earning their respect. I have not changed that much over the years but I find that they have and in at least two cases for the worse.

I have also encountered success in becoming reacquainted with a woman who I used to harass in elementary school. I have been communicating with Barbara for about nine months now, on Facebook, and have very much enjoyed and become enlightened by our “conversations”. Barbara is a remarkable person – musician, writer, retired teacher and I am looking forward to more exchanges with her in the future.

My temper is still bad and my patience is not great. I never was that patient but since my pneumonia I have become even less patient with both friends and those that I disrespect and find that I fly off the handle more than I should. I will try to work on this but for now I am at a loss as to how. Counting to ten never worked for me. I am a warrior, a fighter, and I guess those two aspects of my character – my lack of patience as well as my inability to control my temper in certain situations – are by-products of the warrior component of my personality. Am I rationalizing? As my friend Denis used to say God knows and the devil doubts.

By the way, my great and good friend Hilton is back in the hospital where we met in the summer of 2012 when I had pneumonia and he had cancer which, unfortunately, has returned. He was admitted yesterday and I went to see him today. Even though Lee told me to take a cab because of the slippery driving conditions, I took our ATS and, you guessed it, I hit someone – his car, not him thank God. He just stopped and I rear ended him. Fucking shit and goddammit. Some damage to my front end. Fuck! Piss me off.

That’s all for now. I may continue with this if I get a sufficient number of blog hits. You guys seem interested in the Jewish school system.

There’s no rest for the wicked.

Peace. Out.